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Post by elijah on Oct 22, 2012 21:29:45 GMT -5
living is easy with eyes closed [/color]  - - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - [/font][/color][/center] Elijah was always the boy who seemed to calm and stress free taking all of his AP classes and keeping his almost perfect grades, while still making time to do much of anything else. So it was hard and he didn’t have much of a social life, that was the price he paid for doing well in school and he was fighting to keep his spot as number one where he belonged. He needed to stay in the number one spot for many reasons, Elijah was a nerd and because of that he went through years of really horrible bullying that even drove him out of his school back in London. He still seemed to shudder at the very memory of that, it seemed simply etched in his brain and it only drove him to drive harder to try and prove to people that all his hard work would pay off in the end.
He remembered the days he would have his books thrown in garbage cans, his shoes stolen, his things thrown about, he spent his whole year of seventh grade hiding in the bathroom at lunch. Really it was an event to make him shudder at the very thought even now, and he seemed to even still wonder why he was here. What good was he, he didn’t really do much but study, sure he played multiple instruments and he wrote, but besides that he really did seem pretty lame and even in his eyes. Perhaps everyone was just right about him and he was just a stupid nerd, who was good at really nothing and didn’t really do anything. He knew it all along but perhaps he just never really wanted to believe it in till now, now he knew that it must be true and he was slowly just losing it.
It all really started a few days ago when he got an answer wrong in class, that had never happened before and he was surprised. In fact he was shocked and he hardly seemed to believe it, but when he went over it again in his head he had to face palm his self. He felt so stupid, he felt like he was slipping and he could let that happen. For about an hour today he just did nothing but laid on his bed thinking, perhaps Cecilia would beat him in the end, but then that meant all his hard work meant nothing. He studied so hard and tried so hard in everything that he did, but it seemed to be all for nothing in the end if he failed. It anything Elijah was just slowly crumbling under the pressure, and really he had no idea what to even do anymore.
So he was stressing himself out and he knew that, but he also dealt with people who even now bully him, all his school work, and everything else in his life and he was only one person. He didn’t even think he could do this anymore; he could only handle so much. He sat up his hands sweating at the very thought of what he was about to do as he stood up looking for the bottle of pain relievers he had in his drawer, he was glad that they were still there and checking the bottle he also decided that they would work. He realized that he should have used something to help him get the top off; he also figured it would be great if his hands weren’t shaking and if he wasn’t like crying right now. “Come on you stupid bottle” he mumbled, yeah Elijah totally lost it. He wondered if someone noticed he was just off all week, he just wasn't Elijah now.
tag Open
words 623
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
notes He's lost it.
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Post by liam on Oct 22, 2012 23:40:23 GMT -5
 Reagan was seriously anxious. He had this feeling growing in his stomach all day, and he felt like he was going to absolutely fall to pieces. Maybe his nerves had just gotten the best of him today, maybe that second cup of coffee was to much, he really didn't know. But the feeling of anxiety was falling him around everywhere and he couldn't shake it off. It was going to be the absolute death of him at this rate. He checked his calender, his agenda, and the news. Nothing horrible was happening today, and he wasn't due for nay bad things. So what the heck was going on?
As a last attempt to get rid of these nerves, Reagan decided to get visit Elijah. He was pretty sure Ben was at work so he wasn't about to bother him now, and there weren't many other options. Reagan got along with Elijah just fine, they were both nerds after all. Ever since Tristan had started going out with Corbin, Reagan had been feeling awkward around him. It was really no secret that he had a crush on Tristan for a the longest time, and since they both had boyfriends know Reagan just felt odd. He really couldn't explain it. He also hated to think that he still thought of Tristan as to cute, and he had gone as far as to tell Corbin so. In all honesty he couldn't imagine being with anyone but Ben though, so it was okay.
Though something had been off with Elijah, and Reagan had picked up on it. It was a weird sort of vibe. He intended on asking him about for the past week, but he had never really gotten around to it. Obviously he needed to it, but he didn't want to confront him at school. He also needed time to work on he was going to approach the subject. If it was something bad it could bee a tender subject, or it could be nothing at all. There was no way to tell.
Reagan wasn't bothered to knock on Elijahs door before going in, what could possibly be going on in there anyways? But when Reagan walked in he almost wanted to walk right back out. What was going on here? All he saw was Elijah crying and trying to get a bottle of pills open. Oh an the shaking, he noticed the shaking too. His hard started rampantly beating in his chest, and he felt his face drain of color. "Um, Elijah, wh-what are y-you doing?" He asked cautiously, his voice barely above a whisper.
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Post by elijah on Oct 23, 2012 0:11:35 GMT -5
living is easy with eyes closed [/color] - - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - [/font][/color][/center] All this week Elijah just seemed to be off, it was almost weird for him really but it almost seemed like he could even really help the way that he was acting now. It just happened to work this way, and this is how things happened for him and now there was no way to change them either. He was slowly but surely falling apart lately and he had grown aware of that quickly throughout the week, and it was a slow process as well. A process that just seemed to keep him thinking and trying to figure his life out the best that he possibly could, in the end he knew that he just wasn’t right and he was slowly going to lose it. That was simply only a matter of time to him now, and it really freaked him out.
He didn’t know why and how he let things actually end up this way; it seemed to have started with just a few grades that were not up to his standard at first though. Elijah was always at least an A student and to him anything lower than that was just failing, so getting an A- in his head was simply a failing grade and he couldn’t have that happening anymore. That was probably what led him to start studying even harder now, so he never had to deal with the very thought of possibly failing in his mind again. That was only the first thing to start stressing him out so much, next was the very thought of someone being better than him in school. No, that was the one thing that Elijah tried so hard to be good at, and he just couldn’t have someone being better than him.
That was what really led him to lose more sleep and simply try harder in class, but he knew that he was merely only slipping, and he realized that fast as well. That started obviously in class when he just didn’t seem up to par when answering questions and his friends noticed a change with him as well, he was just a lot quieter at lunch and though no one asked about it he knew they say something was up. They had to know, they were his friends after all and they knew him best he liked to believe and he almost seemed to wonder if they were even worried about the way he had been acting lately. Those were the thoughts he was thinking as he tried to get that dang cap off the pill bottle, but it wouldn’t work.
Elijah groaned, no matter what he did that cap just wouldn’t bug and it really seemed to frustrate him even more than he already was. As he simply just sat there his back against the wall tears falling down his face, he almost felt weak if anything. Silly even for letting something like this even happen, to let his self get so low that it had to come to this, it was stupid and when Reagan walked into the room he blinked. He knew he should have locked the door; he looked up at him his eyes almost red due to his tears and muttered “t-trying to get r-rid of the st-stress” he mumbled simply the pill bottle still held in his hands making cuts from where he tried to open it. “B-Better off th-that way, n-no-no o-one is ar-a-ar-around to pick at my f-faults and c-call me n-names” he shrugged. He sure wasn’t talking like his self anymore. “I ca-can’t t-take it an-an-a-anymore” he looked down and wiped his eyes, he couldn’t take much of anything anymore.
tag Open
words 612
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
notes He's lost it.
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Post by liam on Oct 23, 2012 10:59:42 GMT -5
Was this the cause of his growing anxiety? Reagan didn't know how to deal with this little problem. Wasn't Elijah one of the more easy going people? How had he never noticed anything? Reagan had really no idea on how to handle this. He knew the feeling, but how he help someone else when he had hardly helped himself? Last year had been a dark year for Reagan. He was bullied worse then ever, and he had struggled to subdue his own... Thoughts. But he was glad to say he never acted upon it, because h was far to wimpy, and he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
Reagan tried to calm his own heart. He knew that when talking to someone with a gun out ready to shoot that you should look the person in the eyes and act like the gun wasn't there. So maybe he should act like the pills weren't there? Was it the same logic? Reagan swallowed hard and did his best not to pay attention to the pill bottle that was still there, and he tried to focus on Elijah's face, or really just the wall. The wall was very nice.
He kind of wanted to cry, but that probably wouldn't help Elijah out. Tears formed in his eyes, and that familiar lump formed in his throat, but he swallowed it down and tried to subtlety wipe them away. Poor Elijah, he was so stressed out, and people were bullied him, and there was just so much. Reagan felt horrible. Who did Elijah talk to? Who helped him relieve his stress? If everything worked out he vowed to be there for him.
"W-well um, I pr-promise that t-those pill wo-won't help. " Reagan swallowed hard again. How had he talked himself out of his own troubles? "The p-pills uh, are an easy es-escape, but there a-re more th-things to s-solve it. I uh, well um, things will get better. Like t-here is a lot of b-bad things n-now, b-but th-there is alw-ways a rai-rainb-bow after r-rain, you know? It do-doesn't have to-to come to this. " Reagan's legs felt like lead, but he found the resolve to crouch next to Elijah "J-just ha-hand me the b-bottle." He held his hand out for it.
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Post by elijah on Oct 23, 2012 15:29:50 GMT -5
living is easy with eyes closed [/color] - - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - [/font][/color][/center] Elijah was normally the person who was pretty easy going and mellow, not one to let things really get to him because he never found it worth it before. He figured that was his problem, he ended up bottling everything up instead and perhaps that was just a stupid thing for him to do really. He found that doing that only seemed to make it come to the point when he just couldn’t seem to even take it anymore. He was just a total mess of utter emotion, it happened to everyone and it just seemed like there were many ways to handle it and Elijah wasn’t handling it to well. If anything holding a pill bottle in his hand right now probably didn’t look to good at all, but he really just felt desperate.
Elijah’s hands seemed to be simply sweaty and shaking, his heart beating out of his chest and he really couldn’t seem to even think straight right now. His mind seemed to be elsewhere, in a place that he would have much rather been. In a place he’d much rather always be, a place that was just obviously not here because sometimes he just really hated this place. It seemed to Elijah that sometimes he just hated life in general because it was simply just so silly and people seemed to try so hard just to make it so perfect, even when it wasn’t and he just felt so confused and even lost now. He wondered why people were just so stupid, and even why he was so stupid too.
He blinked, the very thought of everything going on seemed to just make his head ache and he wanted it all to end. The bottle of pills seeming to taunt him not wanting to open, it seemed to even taunt him, telling him that he even failed at this. He obviously just seemed to fail at life in general now and he seemed even more upset than when he started out just sitting here with the pill bottle in his hand, only now it seemed like someone was in his way. Damn Reagan for trying to stop him, he could have ended this all if the pill bottle wasn’t so evil and annoying, he hated pill bottles now.
“An-Anything is b-better than th-this hell” Elijah mumbled glaring down at the floor, and in his own mind he really seemed to think it true even if he would go to hell. Hell was probably better than here anyway, anything was better than this sometime. He glanced down at the pill bottle and the mark it made on his hand and sighed, he just couldn’t seem to think straight anymore and as he tried to get the cap off once more he just figured it was no use and glanced up at Reagan before handing him the bottle of pills. There really wasn’t nothing else he could do right, he was still shaking anyway. “Fuck rainbows” he laughed bitterly shaking his head.
tag Open
words 504
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
notes He's lost it.
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Post by liam on Oct 23, 2012 16:07:45 GMT -5
Reagan was preparing himself to start throwing out cheesy lines from self help and suicide pamphlets, because something would have to work if this didn't. He wasn't good in these situations at all. It was like deactivating a bomb under pressure, a wrong move or doing nothing at all would result in horrible circumstances. Reagan may not be the best friends with Elijah, but damned if he didn't care enough to try and help him. Everyone needed help sometimes. No one was there for him, but he could be there for anyone.
Reagan always had though of Elijah as a calm person. He thought he had been a simple guy, besides being unbelievably smart. He would never have guessed anything like this about him, but everyone had their secrets, right? Reagan was so afraid that this could all have been worse. What if he hadn't been here? What if the pill bottle had been so much easier to get open? Thank the lord for child proof caps. They were really nifty after all. "I w-will pr-promise to h-help m-make it less hellish." Reagan nodded.
When Elijah handed him the bottle of pills Reagan let out a long gush of breath. It was like the world began turning again and life could go on. He held fast to it, wondering how to dispose of it later. But before he would do that he wrapped his arms around Elijah in an awkward sort of hug, sort of odd since htey weren't standing. It was quick but he was done before they blinked. Tears rolled down his cheeks.
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Post by elijah on Oct 23, 2012 20:55:00 GMT -5
living is easy with eyes closed [/color] - - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - [/font][/color][/center] In all Honestly Elijah didn’t really have that many close friend or any friends for that matter, being a nerd it was hard to actually have friends and besides Elijah was more on the quiet side than anything. Even back in his old school he was normally quiet and even alone, mostly for his own fear of being bullied because in his old school bullies were a lot harsher. Honestly he seemed to actually really like this school in some ways, sure he felt he had to work a lot harder but maybe in some ways that was good. In other way it just made him feel totally fucked and he really couldn’t seem to do much about it, at least he had his friends to help him with everything. He was even glad that Reagan was here right now, because he was starting to feel really stupid for almost killing his self and just ending it all.
Elijah was trembling now, his skin paler than normal and for a boy who was from rainy London that was sorta saying something, now Elijah just seemed to be like a ghost. He was just obviously not thinking right, because the real Elijah was not stupid and he wouldn’t have ever even though of doing such a thing as this and he knew that. Elijah was an extremely smart kid and that was always something that people had told him, but even he felt lost sometimes and after time he had just simply crumbled and lost everything. He was just like everyone underneath the surface and he wished people actually understood that, he hated that people thought that there was nothing wrong with him. “Th-thanks for b-being ar-around really; it j-just m-means a lot right now. I mean r-right now I co-could be d-dead, or just c-close to it or an-anything” he mumbled his words coming out fast and hard to understand with his accent.
Elijah’s own tears also seemed to just fall down his face, he didn’t even try to stop them. He didn’t even care who happened to see him crying right now either, he just simply seemed to cry now that the pill bottle was out of his hand and for a moment he didn’t do anything at all. When Reagan hugged him, sure it was obviously awkward since they were both on the floor it was a hug none the less and he sighed a little bit to his self. He really felt silly for just sitting here and crying now, but it seemed like the only thing he could do to keep his self from completely breaking down. He only knew now that he was on the edge, and that was it. “I ju-just f-feel so st-stupid, I’m not sup-supposed to be th-the one who cr-crumbles” he muttered out and it was true. He really did just crumble.
tag Open
words 481
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
notes He's lost it.
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Post by liam on Oct 24, 2012 9:20:59 GMT -5
"Well screwing the rainbow might be one way to get to the pot of gold." Reagan mumbled in a delayed response to Elijah's comment. It took him a second to think of any response. He realized the joke was in bitter taste, but maybe it could be interpreted differently, like as a sign or something. But if he seemed to be getting better that was all that really mattered.
Reagan noticed how pale Elijah was, and that he seemed to be trembling. He was hardly shocked by that though, looking at what had just happened. To be honest Reagan was a little shaky himself. The next time Elijah spoke he could hardly understand him though, and he had to think for a quiet second to figure it out. "Y-you know I'm al-always here. Always, a-always, always. L-like, you c-can t-talk to m-me about an-anything. " Reagan leaned his head against the wall. He felt nice knowing he could be there, even if he wasn't the best in these areas, he could be a confidant. He would never dare tell anyone, not a soul, if it need be. Most of all, he really didn't want to think about a dead Elijah because then he would lose it and start snotting on everything.
Though he didn't want them to, a few rebellious tears dripped down his face as he listened to his friend. What had been going on? Nothing ever had to come this. No one had to feel like this. Ever. Reagan wiped his tears away with his sleeve and had to once again think of a response. He hated not having quick-fire responses, but he was really hoping he would never need to say any of this again. He never wanted to be in this situation ever again. "Sometimes.. It's l-like the w-world isn't on your side, and its like nothing can get better, right? But really, when you're out of high school, and you're on your own, and you can start to really in-vision your future, things will get a lot better. You're practically a genius, Elijah, and you have such a bright future. Whether you get an A minus or an A plus on that next paper, I doubt there is a school who doesn't want you." Reagan's stuttering stopped, finally, and his message was clear except for every now and then when his voice would crack. Randomly he scrambled for his messenger bag, looking for something inside. He left the pills in the bag, but took a minature box of dots out and handed them to Elijah. "T-These are prprobably b-better than pills. Pl-plus you look really pale."
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Post by elijah on Oct 24, 2012 21:28:29 GMT -5
living is easy with eyes closed [/color] - - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - [/font][/color][/center] Elijah snorted almost at the very thought of rainbows now and just how stupid they seemed, sometimes he just seemed to hate rainbows really. They always seemed to mean something, and really right now Elijah didn’t want to think about rainbows or anything right that matter. He just really wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there, that was a good place to be in Elijah’s opinion. “I don’t want to think about rainbows” he mumbled, and really he didn’t. Thinking about rainbows would only seem to depress him more, because rainbows were happy and he wasn’t happy and he didn’t want to really be happy either right now. Elijah was ghostly pale right now, his eyes just down at his feet or anywhere else they could be right now since he didn’t want to have to think about anything that was going on right now.
He didn’t want to think much at all right now since his head was simply spinning and he was so lost and confused, he was just so close to nearly going over the deep end and in a way he didn’t want to think about that right now. He wondered for a moment even just how people would have reacted if he did die though. He realized that so many people would have missed him or would have been shocked since it would have been so unexpected of Elijah, he never seemed like the type of person to dare let anything really get to him and this happens. Something happens to just make Elijah feel bad about his self, something to simply just make him feel almost stupid really and he just couldn’t seem to even stand it now. He was just losing his mind and he knew that, he needed to just find a way to just make everything better if that was even really possible.
“I uh, I know” Elijah mumbled with a nod of his head. “I just need to find a better way of getting rid of stress, instead of trying to shove pills down my throat” he sighed. “That’s, that’s just how I feel right now” he groaned letting his head fall into his hands. He really felt like the whole would was against him sometimes even when it wasn’t, that was the only thing he could think when he was down like this though because he just really felt so unhappy now. “I’m not a genius Reagan, I’m not even close in my mind and no one can say otherwise. I’m smart yeah, I’m probably smarter than some but I don’t want to think that I’m a genius or anything” he laughed and shook his head.
He probably was a genius or whatever though, he was really pretty smart and any school would be blessed to have him. He just had to remember that, his future could hold really anything for him and he just had to wait. “I suppose so yeah, I just need to keep thinking about college someday” he mumbled running his fingers through his hair. When Reagan handed him the box of dots he stared at them, he never had these before. ]“I actually never had dots before” he said quietly laughing again, “but thanks for that. You know, noting my obvious paleness” he stuck his tongue out.
tag Open
words 555
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
notes He's lost it.
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